The Top Ten Commandments for Authors.

Jacques-Louis David, Mars desarme par Venus.

The Top Ten Commandments for Authors.

Thou shalt not have any other Gods before the New York Times Bestseller List.

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth, that is to say, that thou shalt not write fan fiction.

Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God, namely and to wit, ‘publication,’ in pure and unadulterated vanity.

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it wholly available for thy craft.

Honour thy father and mother by adopting a pen-name; for-crying-out-loud.

Thou shalt not kill thy critics.

Thou shalt not commit adultery with the publisher’s wife or harlot.

Thou shalt not steal story ideas unless they are, like, totally excellent.

Thou shalt not bear false or true witness against thy fellow authors.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbouring author’s wife, husband, daughter, son, aunt, uncle, nieces and nephews, friends, relatives or acquaintances, nor their pets or domesticated animals, and also nor their literary success even if you’re a better writer and they’re just a knucklehead.