Our Heads Didn't Explode, Eh?

Our heads didn't explode, right? Eh?

2013 was a profound learning experience.

And that’s okay, because knowledge is power, power is money,

And money is sex.

It’s not what you got,

But how you use it.

Money talks,

Bullshit walks,

And action speaks louder than words

I can't even tell you what love is

I lose my objectivity, and it happens fast.

You'll have to figure that out for yourself

We all got our wish list

Of shit we got to do

Yeah, before our time runs out.

More than anything

I want to have some fun—and so we do.

Now this is really living.

I hope you brought enough for the rest of the class.

Share what you got,

Look after your friends

And if they sort of tolerate you, well, that’s half the battle.

Here’s looking at you, kid.

I’m only going to say this once so I’ll just spit it out.

We’re wishing you and yours,

All the best from Louis Shalako (…and other staff members as well. – ed.)

To you and yours in 2014.

Live long and prosper.

And remember to take a day off once in a while.

2013 had its moments, 2014 will too

What the fuck, eh.

At least our heads didn’t explode.

Written by Louis Shalako

The Top Ten Commandments for Authors.

Jacques-Louis David, Mars desarme par Venus.

The Top Ten Commandments for Authors.

Thou shalt not have any other Gods before the New York Times Bestseller List.

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth, that is to say, that thou shalt not write fan fiction.

Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God, namely and to wit, ‘publication,’ in pure and unadulterated vanity.

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it wholly available for thy craft.

Honour thy father and mother by adopting a pen-name; for-crying-out-loud.

Thou shalt not kill thy critics.

Thou shalt not commit adultery with the publisher’s wife or harlot.

Thou shalt not steal story ideas unless they are, like, totally excellent.

Thou shalt not bear false or true witness against thy fellow authors.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbouring author’s wife, husband, daughter, son, aunt, uncle, nieces and nephews, friends, relatives or acquaintances, nor their pets or domesticated animals, and also nor their literary success even if you’re a better writer and they’re just a knucklehead.